Today I am attempting to do my sacred Asian duty of starting the college application process ahead of time. I thought I’d get UChicago’s uncommon application out of the way first, since it’s probably going to be the most agonizing and time-consuming. Here’s the essay, if you don’t believe me: “Write an essay somehow inspired by super-huge mustard.” Now, normally, I fancy myself to be a creative sort, but I’m having no shortage of trouble with this particular prompt. After throwing out clichés like “make sandwiches for the homeless” and “sell it on eBay", I got nothin’. The problem is, I don’t know what I, personally, would do with a sizable amount of spicy spread. So for brainstorming purposes, and because I really like making lists, I’m trying to approach this as if I’ve already declared my major and am writing my essay based on that. So without further ado, I give you some condiment for thought:
Journalism – Do a human interest story on the mustard doing something like blocking traffic, or rescuing a cat from a tree. Snap pictures for The Sun, maybe end up in the “strange stories” section of a stuffier, more respectable news source.
Education – Have student teachers practice their lesson plans in front of mustard, since most inanimate objects probably have larger attention spans than the average high schooler. Also, you have to be a little insane to want to be a teacher, and talking to mustard would probably get you there.
Advertising – Go a couple miles off an exit ramp, unload the mustard, put some velvet ropes around it, and stick about a million billboards on the interstate promoting your new tourist trap. Don’t forget the “My ex-wife saw The Mustard and all I got was this shirt” shirts.
Pre-med – Make some kind of balm.
International Relations – Make some kind of bomb.
Religious Studies – Look to the scriptures. If there’s a parable on the seed, there must be one on the bottle too. Right?
Visual Arts – Photoshop it to create amusing pictures, a la Fafblog.
Ok, this list was supposed to be a lot longer, but I’ve been at it for a few hours and this is all I can come up with. ARGH. As always, audience participation is greatly appreciated.