Bubble tea is one of the least manly drinks in existence. I'm just waiting for the FDA to reveal that regular consumption of bubbles increases your risk of spontaneously transforming into a Japanese schoolgirl. But there is a way to drink bubble tea while retaining your masculinity, even when it's too early in the day to pour in a few shots of Seagram's 7.
You see, bubble tea only appears to be a drink. It's actually a projectile weapon in disguise. Instead of swallowing the bubbles, take the wide straw and forcefully blow the bubbles out of it. The straw gives the bubbles plenty of time to accelerate, and once they come out they're going at a very high speed. You should be able to shoot them several yards. And since you're blowing the bubbles out instead of swallowing them, you're much less likely to wake up one day with an inexplicable desire for a Hello Kitty lunchbox.
An interview with Sally Haslanger!
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