I don't clearly remember what it's like for a normal guy to accept that the girl he likes is uninterested or married or otherwise out of reach. I only know how it feels for me, and I'm pretty sure that's not the way it is for other men. For me, a huge part of it is the feeling that I'm staring down the barrel of a fundamental law of nature -- the law that Things Shall Not Work Out For Neil. There's a cold feeling of awe, and I feel myself getting goosebumps at the awesome sublimity of the law I'm witnessing in action. There's sometimes a little amusement at how silly I've been in thinking I had a chance, how silly to forget a fundamental fact that characterizes the world. Thoughts of the girl make me sadly wistful, which I guess is normal, but I'm pretty sure that the other feelings take time and misfortune to develop. I imagine that the experience of disappointment is less painful for me than for others, but the reason for this is probably unhealthy. Deep inside I'm so confident of failure that nothing can hurt me.
I'm presenting my paper, "Possible Girls," at our conference on possible worlds tomorrow. The paper argues that if David Lewis' modal realism is true, lonely boys like me can enter into romantic relationships with girls in other possible worlds. I suppose my current state is the mental state with which to go forward and present this paper. Even if I'm unloved by actual girls, the hope of being loved by a merely possible (but real) person will make me read and defend it with the heart it deserves.
Please don't pity me -- my life is going really well overall. I enjoy my work and I have lots of good friends. There's just one area in which nothing ever works out.
I'm presenting my paper, "Possible Girls," at our conference on possible worlds tomorrow. The paper argues that if David Lewis' modal realism is true, lonely boys like me can enter into romantic relationships with girls in other possible worlds. I suppose my current state is the mental state with which to go forward and present this paper. Even if I'm unloved by actual girls, the hope of being loved by a merely possible (but real) person will make me read and defend it with the heart it deserves.
Please don't pity me -- my life is going really well overall. I enjoy my work and I have lots of good friends. There's just one area in which nothing ever works out.
6 comments:
I couldn't read this without having my maternal instinct kick in and feeling absolutely compelled to respond. This will work out for you. I don't feel pity for you, don't worry, because I can see you are so very smart, and I gather from what I read here that you have known at least some degree of privilege.(And because you gave me permission to say so in a previous response to a comment, and I have now seen your picture, cute.) This kind of makes your "market," if you will, rather specialized,and that might mean things are going to take a little longer, because the deserving women who will appreciate you are not a dime a dozen. I'm intrigued by the "Possible Girls" concept, and hope you will write more about that.
Thanks so much, Mary. I may post the paper online at some point. Or if you like, I could email it to you (with a little bit of introductory information to get you up to speed on the issue). It's not too technical.
Thanks! I would like that. I will send you an e-mail with my e-mail address.
Shoja hey bosh, dada.
I've been practicing, bhai.
Just remember, it is a family curse. Give me or Chorda a call when you're lonely.
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